Dumb and Dumber

This happened during my college days. Though I was doing my MCA, I was still innocent (some may say... ignorant!) I had bought a new computer and I didn’t take the risk of exploring all the functionalities- What if it gets into problem? Who will help me? All money will be lost! Spend around 40K for the complete system including the accessories so handled it delicately. Whenever I change any of the settings, I make sure I reset the setting after use!
Coming to the matter... Once all my friends had get-together and decided to watch “Dumb and Dumber” movie in my comp. The movie started. The video clarity was good but they said volume was very low. I increased the volume of the speakers. There wasn’t much change. They asked me to check the settings. I told them I used to watch the movies before and I never had problems. I told them volume will be better if : They come closer to the speakers, sit quietly without making noise, not to talk during the dialogues and if they still cant hear, they can read the subtitle !!!!!
So such a sweet friends they were- they almost did what I had them to do. But still no effect! Almost irritated, one my friends checked the Volume Settings function. Guess what - it was very low… almost to the lowest point!! I forgot to reset the volume settings after use!!:-(
Finally, they were laughing, commenting and enjoying watching the Dumb & Dumber – definitely NOT the movie! :-)

A Cricketing Genius

I am great cricketer but nobody understands it. But people feel that might be a potential threat to rules of the game. In spite of having so many credits to my name (as shown below), nobody seems to take me in their team

:-) Introducing new Bowling type (Wide Bowling): Just 4-6 balls per over goes wide.

:-) After first 3 balls, the batsman change his position and strategy - Not for getting runs, but atleast to touch the ball

:-) Always bowled the longest over for my team - Whenever I (wide) bowl, they said I should bowl again. So I end up bowling atleast 12 ball per over.

:-) Fast Bowling - Whenever I try fast bowling the position of everyone changes - Wicketkeeper stands near the boundary, batsman moves few inches away from the stumps (leaving it uncovered)

:-) Bowling Bouncers - With full power, the ball did bounce high, not few inches from the batsman, but few inches from me. It didn’t even reach half the pitch!

:-) Medium pace - It worked perfect for me and batsman - I bowl exactly to his bat and he hit it exactly to the boundary for a 4 or 6 but not more than that. So in the best interest of my team, I gave up medium pace.

:-) Spinning bowling (all types!!): I know that you need to spin the ball and realize slowly. I did do that and it did hit. Not the stumps, but wicket keepers head!

:-) Batsman's frustration - In international cricket, it’s the bowler who gets frustrated with the batsman when he hits the ball. In my case the batsman get frustrated with the (only) bowler- Me!!

:-) Challenge the cricket rules - Usually it’s the bowling team who runs behind the ball. But whenever I (wide) bowl, it’s the batsman who runs moves here and there, jump to reach the ball, atleast to touch it.

:-) I am a match winner - Yes. Most of the time, the opponent always wins :-)

:-) True sportsmanship - Usually there is tension associated with game as who is going to win. When I walk with ball or bat in my hand, atmosphere becomes light - everyone starts laughing!!! :-)

Tragedies with Tele-Customer Service Representative(s)

Your name please?

(Mobile rang)
Me: Hello!
Customer Service Representative (CSR): Sir, we are calling from ABC bank. Can I have 2 minutes of your time please?
(I am decent guy and a naive too and I just got my new mobile!)
Me: Sure
CSR: Sir, we have this plan... blah... blah...blah. My I know your age please
Me: 25
CSR: Are you salaried or self-employed?
Me: Salaried
CSR :May I know your annual salary?
Me: Rs.2.5 lakhs
(After answering all questions, revealing almost all my personal information, except the moles on my body…)
CSR: Why don’t you take this plan A?
Me: I am not planning to invest anything now.
CSR: Why sir? Then take this plan B na… this is very useful for you.
Me: Thank you, but I am not interested
CSR: Then at least take this low cost plan C?
Me: Sorry, but I am not interested
CSR: Then ok sir….Then atleast tell me your name?
Me: !!!!??


Who is to be blamed?

(My mobile rang)
Me: Hello!
CSR: Sir, we are calling on behalf of ICICI bank. Can I have 2 minutes of your time please?
(I am still a decent fellow)
Me: Sure
CSR: Sir, We are offering a ICICI Silver Credit card....
(Even though I didn’t have a credit card, I decided to handle them in an intelligent way)
Me: Thank you. But I have already have taken the ICICI credit card!J
CSR: Why and who asked you to take the card before? (Phone bangs)
Me: ???!!!

Birthday Blast or Blasted Birthday!

Once I failed to pay my mobile bill even after the deadline .The customer service representative reminded me for 2 days after the due date and yet I failed to pay.
Unexpectedly, they deactivated my line. No incoming. No outgoing. It was dead
Realized this when I reached home around 9 PM. Since customer service was 24x7, I decided to call later. I was desperate – ‘Cos the next day happened to by birthday and I was expecting a call from my sister abroad.

I called them around 10:15 PM.
Desperately, I tried to reach them thrice and finally got them the fourth time. After all the initial verification, the fun started. I told them about the problem.
CSR: Wait a minute Sir, let me check. Can I put u on hold please?
Me: Sure
(Music)
CSR: The system is slow now; can you please hold Mr. Naresh.?
Me: Sure. I am willing to wait
(Music)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh. Looks like you haven not paid this bill this month?
Me: Oh... yes… I remember. Actually, I was out of station for past one week and reached home only now...
CSR: I understand Sir, but there is nothing I could do now?
(I was getting desperate and irritated and started cursing myself)
Me: Can you please help on this?
CSR: Let me talk to my lead, please hold on?
(Music started and so did my blood pressure)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh.(dey ethinivaati da solluve)
There is nothing we could do? ( goyaala.. idhu sollava phone-a hold-le potte.. !)
Me: hmm I guess…there should be some technical way in the backend where you can make the changes. Rite? (I am also a technical guy…aahn!)
CSR: Let me talk to my lead, please hold on? (vendaam da...)
Me: Sure (pottu thola..!!)
(Music)
(I could hear music and also sound of my breath - I was reaching its peak of frustration)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh.(dey.. vandaam da..)
The technical people have left by 8:00 PM sir. I am sorry that we may not be able to help you?
(Tech guys must be a lucky lot. We used stay in office to resolve issues !!!)
Me: You mean nothing can be done. Tomorrow is my birthday ….and I m expecting a call from abroad!
CSR: Wish you a very happy Birthday Mr. Naresh. There nothing we could do!! Is there anything we cud do for you (solution koduda-na vaazhthu solraan..Raaskel!!)
Me: No (Oru mannum vendaam…un office-e puttitu poi thola!)
CSR: Thank u for calling customer support. Have a great day! Happy birthday once again!
Me :(in silence) @#$^$%^%^&%*()

Tamarind Tragedy

I was in 4th standard when this happened. There used to be a big tamarind tree in the backyard of dilapidated building, just 2 buildings across my school. Most of the primary school boys visit this backyard after school hours to have raw tamarind. The boys used to come in groups and sometimes with their seniors. It was a big tree and these guys used to hit the raw tamarind with the stones. I used to go there with my friends and try my luck there. Even I tried throwing stones: It neither hit the target nor reached height of more than 6 feet whereas the lowest branch tamarinds were hanging were around 7 to 9 feet.
Once I went there alone. I found most of guys in my age group came with a senior who used to hit-and-get tamarinds for them. I felt left out. Don’t know what came over me suddenly, I picked up a big flat stone (imagining that I would hit a big bunch and show-off to them), took few steps back, ran few steps and with full energy took threw the stone at the tamarind.
Two things happened:
1. Certain things never change. Such a powerful throw did not change anything: It still did not hit the target and never reached height of 6 feet.
2. I expected the stone to hit target like a rocket, unfortunately (but expectedly) with the same force, took the path of projectile and landed in compound of the next building where few men were working!
"Aiyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!” came a loud cry and few people there started shouting. It had hit the working men, not the hanging tamarind!!

Next minute, I didn’t know what carried me- wind or legs- I was there in my rickshaw- hiding my face with my napkin, silent, shivering and sweating!
After that for next one month, I never stepped out of school after school hours!